To close 2016, this post is for me.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this lost before. I am very out of touch with myself right now. I’ve become disconnected from my goals, my hobbies, and my passions. The things that usually bring me joy. I used to love my job. I was passionate and inspired. Now it’s become an overwhelmingly negative space, an unfulfilling obligation emotionally draining me and brining me down everyday. Thus from this unhappiness that used to be such a source of fulfillment, I’m beginning to question everything. Where I’m at in life, what I care about, where I’m going. A late on-set quarter-life crisis, right at the end of the year as everyone looks back and commemorates.
Thus for my own sake I’m writing out the things I wish to change in 2017…:
I’ve noticed a lot of individuals in my everyday life are very quick to judge and especially criticize without taking the time or thought to ask questions. I won’t take someone’s judgement as relevant, unless they’ve actually explored and or attempted to understand.
My relationships and society want me to be smart, fit, beautiful, healthy, kind, positive, compassionate, self-assured, passionate, sensitive, romantic, warm, understanding, calm, collected, strong, creative, adventurous, fun and driven. I’m expected to be a cook, a laundress, a housewife, a motivator, an inspiration, a financial saver, a planner, an explorer, a fun time, a serious goal-driven & action-oriented go-getter. I’m pushed to be an amazing coworker, a partner, or a better half, a selfless provider but also be my own unique standout individual, putting myself first and developing myself. And I seriously feel the pressure of all of these weights pulling me in different directions unable to prioritize any of these aspects enough to embody any of them. I seldom feel enough for any party looking for me to be something, even for myself. I am only human and I won’t feel guilty for not being everything expected by others.
I wish that that friendship, wine, coffee, travel, Frenchies, & yoga were free. Sometime we, as humans, just need these sources of relief to balance out the things that constantly bring us down.
But no matter what I wish, nothing will just change. In 2017 my resolution is to be able let go of what I cannot change and prioritize what actually matters to me. If something is draining me, then it isn’t worth any of me. Negativity in any form is not worth my time, my thought, my emotion, or effort.
Thus my inspirations mantras for 2017 perspective & focus are :